Aunt Sue

Remember when I mentioned how a bunch of awful things had happened to me in the past few months? Well I won’t go into all of them because then instead of writing a novel like I usually do, I would write about 50. I will definitely spare you the wordiness. Instead, I choose to talk about one of those many unfortunate incidents because as bad as all the things were that happened to me, this one really was the one that affected me most. In May 2007, I can never and will never forget what happened. This thing, this horrible thing…it made me book a flight back to the states, call off classes for a week and leave behind everything else that I was responsible for in France and go home for a week to be with my family. It was heart-breaking, life-changing, gut-wrenching AWFUL. My loving Aunt Sue who had just turned 55 two weeks earlier, a loving, caring and extremely generous person was taken from us due to a long battle with a difficult disease. She was a mother, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece and a friend. She was a delight, she never stopped laughing and smiling and her joy was contagious. So, on this day, marking two months without my wonderful Aunt Sue, I write this poem to her:

What I know
I’m missing your laugh because it stretched over thousands of miles and
I’m missing your hugs because they made us all feel so loved and safe and
I’m missing your smile because it could brighten any dull moment.

I’m sorry you lost an almost lifelong battle with a cruel disease and
I’m sorry you couldn’t reach out for help when you needed it and
I’m sorry you didn’t take better care of yourself when you should have.

I’m sad for your children because they still have so much life to live without you in it and it’s not fair or right and
I’m sad for my parents and aunt because now so many future memories with them will be left unfulfilled and
I’m sad for my sister and I because without you here, the laughter in our hearts is now quieter.

I’m mad because I hadn’t seen you in over 2 months when I learned you were gone and
I’m mad because there’s nothing I can ever do to change that and
I’m mad because you left us too soon.

I know everything happens for a reason and this time I can’t figure out why, but
I know I never will and must learn to accept that anyways, but
I know I love and miss you and I will always.