Since I've been in Rennes for part trois of my time living in France, I've done a pretty good job of keeping things cheap and denying myself the urge to spend on things I didn't reeeeeally need(I even denied myself a purple scarf on soldes for 1 euro!) I'd been dying to buy new tops, a battery charger, a second pillow, a comforter, a new coat and a Brita filter for ages. But, I just tried to forget about those things and would tell myself "you don't neeeeeed them, Leah, it's just one more thing to have to bring back or leave here and lose the money later on." Well, I have not only managed to buy every single one of those things in the last 3 weeks, but have also started to pick out furniture to buy for my new bedroom. Have I won the lotto, scored a new job, have any indication I'm staying here for a while longer, you wonder? Well, the answer is I really wish, I super really wish and I hyper mega super really wish! Have I gone nuts is the more appropriate question and probably would be the correct answer.
I have somehow developed this crazy idea that if I will staying in France enough, it'll just happen. I mean, I am of course pounding the pavement(ok, maybe not so much pounding as lightly treading) to look for a job. It's just that I really have no indication that I'm staying nor do I feel all that hopeful about getting a job(it is me and my luck, afterall!), but I just want it to be so much that I have turned it into some sort of false reality. I wish therefore it is, kinda thing. It hasn't been hoping to stay nor has it been knowing I'll stay either. I'm trying to figure out when it all started and where it came from. Maybe after being sick for so long and so often, I felt I needed to treat myself and then it just turned into a volcanic eruption of mass spending? Not sure. Was it after reading Eat, Pray, Love and starting to believe in the possibility of life and love again? Again, couldn't tell you. All I know is I believe.